Early yesterday morning, I sat looking out over the water and the form of the mountains against the dark sky that comprised the view from the balcony of my hotel room. An occasional fishing boat passed by, making its way out to the Pacific. This is my annual trip to Mexico; a tradition I have held since 1990, almost a decade before my kids came along. Since their arrival into my life, I have shared this tradition with them and schedule it each year to coincide with my birthday. This year marks my 47th.
Perhaps it is because this week also coincides with Mercury Retrograde, but rather than looking forward I have found myself revisiting the past, both in my thoughts and, unfortunately, in some patterns that seem to present themselves in my life over and over again. (Those dreaded “life lessons;” they are always so generous in giving me chances to demonstrate understanding!)
In this time of revisiting, I recognize that in some areas of my life, I didn’t have the insight then that I have now; insight to myself, my motivations, my fears and my “reasons.” Alas, I admit that I have some regrets. But rather than feel saddened by these, I now see that they hold the seeds of my greater understanding.
We are often afraid to admit, to ourselves or anyone else, that we have regrets; that doing so in some way implies wrongdoing or failure. But if we come from a position of self-honesty and allow ourselves to revisit the past from a place of transcendence, we may find in those memories we have tucked away, safe from our view, the opportunity for growth and understanding.
Today, if you feel so inclined, revisit an area of your life you wish you had handled differently. But instead of simply feeling the emotion of it, rise above it. Spend some time in quiet contemplation with love, patience, and maybe even a little courage.
I am continually reminded that, even when striving to live a conscious life, we are here to grow and learn. Each step toward new awareness and greater understanding has purpose, even if we don’t want to admit it!